I DID IT!!!!!!
Woke up this morning and without hesitation I got up, got dressed, woke the dog up and off we went! It was a great walk for both Bailey and myself - we both needed it. She is back to bed however and I am going to get ready for work. Going to make this a great day!
Today Mikey would be 18 - WOW!!! RIP Mikey J. and Happy Birthday!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
A New Path
So I had the opportunity to sleep in this morning but couldn't do it, not a shocker at all. I'm not a sleeper. As I was online seeing what everyone else is up too, I decide I should blog since it's been a while. Funny - it's been exactly a year since the last time! Oh what a year it's been too!
I am day 4 into a 90-day challenge. I was challenged to concur a fear, simple/moderate/complex. The first thought that popped into my mind was weight and exercise and I thought that's really stupid. People around me are talking about shooting guns, bunge jumping etc and I'm thinking weight. I put more thought into it and since it wouldn't leave my mind, I went with it. Then I went deeper as to why. Why is it not leaving and what do I have fear about? I hate to exercise and I won't walk the neighborhood alone - I'm going to concur that fear. 11 years ago my brother was murdered and that brought fear in me to a high level that I didn't really realize. I realize it now and it won't be this way forever! I haven't hit the neighborhood yet but that is my goal by Monday. However I have had 3 great days dealing with the food part of this. Oh I have to learn to like some foods - I'm even thinking I will try broccoli. That is the most disgusting food in my mind!! The weight fear is that I have always been a "bigger girl" and I think I'm hiding behind weight. I think I'm afraid of what lies beneath.
I will hold my head up and have confidence in myself that I WILL concur and not give up anytime in these next 90-days!
I am day 4 into a 90-day challenge. I was challenged to concur a fear, simple/moderate/complex. The first thought that popped into my mind was weight and exercise and I thought that's really stupid. People around me are talking about shooting guns, bunge jumping etc and I'm thinking weight. I put more thought into it and since it wouldn't leave my mind, I went with it. Then I went deeper as to why. Why is it not leaving and what do I have fear about? I hate to exercise and I won't walk the neighborhood alone - I'm going to concur that fear. 11 years ago my brother was murdered and that brought fear in me to a high level that I didn't really realize. I realize it now and it won't be this way forever! I haven't hit the neighborhood yet but that is my goal by Monday. However I have had 3 great days dealing with the food part of this. Oh I have to learn to like some foods - I'm even thinking I will try broccoli. That is the most disgusting food in my mind!! The weight fear is that I have always been a "bigger girl" and I think I'm hiding behind weight. I think I'm afraid of what lies beneath.
I will hold my head up and have confidence in myself that I WILL concur and not give up anytime in these next 90-days!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Today was a great day! Started out actually nervous for what was ahead but it all turned out great! Why? Because God is GOOD!!!
Had staff devotions to start the day then we put on our walking shoes and headed out for a prayer walk. Now when I was considering taking this job this was the one thing that made me the most nervous. No joke! I am not an exerciser and boy do I work with a ton of them! The last prayer walk they went on was 9 miles. Are you kidding me? So with walking shoes on we headed out and walked the CityBlast 5k route which is 3.1 miles. Started out not too bad. Roger was hobbling along with his torn tenden and boot and really shouldn't be walking but it made me look good :) So a few blocks down the street someone turns around and heads back to the church to get Roger a golf cart. Okay understandably so. Continue walking and the calves start cramping but the prayers get more intense. What am I praying for? The good Lord to help me make it through this walk! Yes I did pray for the neighborhoods, the city of Puyallup, the YMCA, Puyallup Foursquare etc but don't kid yourself I had some serious "Lord help me make it through this!" Pain is subsiding as the walk continues and I'm thinking, "What am I worried about?" Until........we turn a corner and there it is straight ahead of me.....the hill. Are you kidding me? This hill was UGLY!!! Make it up the hill after I swore I was going to die. Oh I wasn't the last in the bunch but still. Roger asked if I wanted a ride and I was like "oh no, I'm not going down like that." I can make - that's what I kept telling myself. Finally made it up the hill, down the other side and back to flat land! Whoa!
After making it back to the church I got to thinking about my prayers and how God was right there next to me helping me get through that walk just like He is there with every other thing I do. How I am reminded that I am not to rely on myself or the works of the earthly world but I am to rely on my Savior! Lord, thank you for reminding me that YOU are here for me. That you are all I need!
Had staff devotions to start the day then we put on our walking shoes and headed out for a prayer walk. Now when I was considering taking this job this was the one thing that made me the most nervous. No joke! I am not an exerciser and boy do I work with a ton of them! The last prayer walk they went on was 9 miles. Are you kidding me? So with walking shoes on we headed out and walked the CityBlast 5k route which is 3.1 miles. Started out not too bad. Roger was hobbling along with his torn tenden and boot and really shouldn't be walking but it made me look good :) So a few blocks down the street someone turns around and heads back to the church to get Roger a golf cart. Okay understandably so. Continue walking and the calves start cramping but the prayers get more intense. What am I praying for? The good Lord to help me make it through this walk! Yes I did pray for the neighborhoods, the city of Puyallup, the YMCA, Puyallup Foursquare etc but don't kid yourself I had some serious "Lord help me make it through this!" Pain is subsiding as the walk continues and I'm thinking, "What am I worried about?" Until........we turn a corner and there it is straight ahead of me.....the hill. Are you kidding me? This hill was UGLY!!! Make it up the hill after I swore I was going to die. Oh I wasn't the last in the bunch but still. Roger asked if I wanted a ride and I was like "oh no, I'm not going down like that." I can make - that's what I kept telling myself. Finally made it up the hill, down the other side and back to flat land! Whoa!
After making it back to the church I got to thinking about my prayers and how God was right there next to me helping me get through that walk just like He is there with every other thing I do. How I am reminded that I am not to rely on myself or the works of the earthly world but I am to rely on my Savior! Lord, thank you for reminding me that YOU are here for me. That you are all I need!
Monday, June 15, 2009
It's been awhile since I've posted and not for any good reason at all. Maybe life in general - it seems to get busier every moment.
I have started to read a new book and I am truly loving it and hating it all at once! Great book! It's called Captivating. It makes you deal with the dysfunctional part of your life that you have learned to make your normal because you don't want to deal with the parts that have caused pain. Make sense? I am excited to see what God has for me thru this.
The past couple of days have really made me more and more thankful for the daughter I have. Shelby is a 15 year old, teenage daughter that has faced more (excuse me) crap then any 15 year old should ever. For years and apparently the true prime years or the first set of prime years it was just she and I. We spent every minute together when I wasn't at work or she wasn't at school. I'm realizing how much that is paying off. Not just because we spent the time together but because during that time I asked her about her. How she is, how her day was, what happened at school (key question I'm coming to find out). A day hasn't gone by that I haven't continued to ask those questions and I'm sure glad I do. I know there have been days where she was like "Mom are you for real?" I'm not trying to pat myself on the back what I'm getting to is that parents seriously need to know what is going on with their child(ren). Kid's these days have so much going on at school and just like we adults, they too need to share and just talk. Who better then to their parents!!?? As we personally have dealt with bullying, death, boys, sports competitions etc kid's can be cruel and why? Other kids can't even answer it so how can they deal with it? Kid's are at school to learn not to rely on them to counsel them too. They don't want counseling at school, that's where the problems are. We as parents need/must take time and spend it with our kids. Tomorrow isn't always going to be there. When you go to Starbucks, take your child(ren) with you and don't go thru the drive-thru. Go inside, pull up a seat and take time with them. I am so thankful that Shelby shares so much with me. It brings tears to my heart when I hear what she has to deal with. She is only 15 years old and shouldn't be going thru this stuff. High school years are suppose to be the start of the best years ahead. I'm not the perfect parent; just thankful that my child knows I'm here for her. Shelby I am SOOOO proud of you. I'm proud of the true person you are. I'm proud that you stand up for your faith and you take that faith and share it with others. I'm proud that you don't tolerate the junk others try and bully you with. I'm proud that you know the truth and stand firm. Keep your faith and take the talents God has blessed you with and change the world! If anyone can...it's YOU! I love you beyond words and don't ever forget that you and everyone of your friends can come to me with anything! Hugs baby!
On another note (since it's been awhile since I've posted I might as well posted it all!) We have our new roommate moving in shortly! We have been praying that God let's all of us know if this is what should happen. We were hurt in the last situation but have trust in the new. God has blessed us with great peeps and one of them will be sharing our home! It's exciting!
Father, thank you for blessing us with all that you have. Father please hold the families involved tightly and may they know you. Lord hold our children and protect them. May you use those of your children that walk with you to shephard those who need you too. Father our children are precious and we thank you for letting us raise them in your glory! I glorify you for the pain and the suffering and know that you will guide us through it all. This is part of the pathway that you have us traveling thru and may we know that you will hold us tight and we will be bright beacons in the end. Amen.
I have started to read a new book and I am truly loving it and hating it all at once! Great book! It's called Captivating. It makes you deal with the dysfunctional part of your life that you have learned to make your normal because you don't want to deal with the parts that have caused pain. Make sense? I am excited to see what God has for me thru this.
The past couple of days have really made me more and more thankful for the daughter I have. Shelby is a 15 year old, teenage daughter that has faced more (excuse me) crap then any 15 year old should ever. For years and apparently the true prime years or the first set of prime years it was just she and I. We spent every minute together when I wasn't at work or she wasn't at school. I'm realizing how much that is paying off. Not just because we spent the time together but because during that time I asked her about her. How she is, how her day was, what happened at school (key question I'm coming to find out). A day hasn't gone by that I haven't continued to ask those questions and I'm sure glad I do. I know there have been days where she was like "Mom are you for real?" I'm not trying to pat myself on the back what I'm getting to is that parents seriously need to know what is going on with their child(ren). Kid's these days have so much going on at school and just like we adults, they too need to share and just talk. Who better then to their parents!!?? As we personally have dealt with bullying, death, boys, sports competitions etc kid's can be cruel and why? Other kids can't even answer it so how can they deal with it? Kid's are at school to learn not to rely on them to counsel them too. They don't want counseling at school, that's where the problems are. We as parents need/must take time and spend it with our kids. Tomorrow isn't always going to be there. When you go to Starbucks, take your child(ren) with you and don't go thru the drive-thru. Go inside, pull up a seat and take time with them. I am so thankful that Shelby shares so much with me. It brings tears to my heart when I hear what she has to deal with. She is only 15 years old and shouldn't be going thru this stuff. High school years are suppose to be the start of the best years ahead. I'm not the perfect parent; just thankful that my child knows I'm here for her. Shelby I am SOOOO proud of you. I'm proud of the true person you are. I'm proud that you stand up for your faith and you take that faith and share it with others. I'm proud that you don't tolerate the junk others try and bully you with. I'm proud that you know the truth and stand firm. Keep your faith and take the talents God has blessed you with and change the world! If anyone can...it's YOU! I love you beyond words and don't ever forget that you and everyone of your friends can come to me with anything! Hugs baby!
On another note (since it's been awhile since I've posted I might as well posted it all!) We have our new roommate moving in shortly! We have been praying that God let's all of us know if this is what should happen. We were hurt in the last situation but have trust in the new. God has blessed us with great peeps and one of them will be sharing our home! It's exciting!
Father, thank you for blessing us with all that you have. Father please hold the families involved tightly and may they know you. Lord hold our children and protect them. May you use those of your children that walk with you to shephard those who need you too. Father our children are precious and we thank you for letting us raise them in your glory! I glorify you for the pain and the suffering and know that you will guide us through it all. This is part of the pathway that you have us traveling thru and may we know that you will hold us tight and we will be bright beacons in the end. Amen.
Monday, April 20, 2009
I'm sitting here by myself enjoying the quiet while the sun luminates outside. But with all the quiet comes lots and lots of thoughts.
April 2nd we got the call that every parent shouldn't get. Mike's oldest son, Mikey, was being rushed to the hospital. The next call I got from Mike was complete silence....Mikey had passed away. At the tender age of 16. Mikey fell a few weeks ago and as a result a blood clot formed and ended up leaving his knee, traveled to his heart and took him instantly. Mikey was truly Mike's buddy. Granted it has been 3 years since Mikey had been to our house due to a few factors. Mikey was autistic and it had become a harder and harder for him to transition between mom's house and ours. But also at the age of 13 teenagers don't want to do weekend visitation any more. As hard as it was on us we had to let Mikey do this thing.
Since Mikey's passing not only have we struggled with the passing of a child but the ex. I truly hate to have this attitude but I'm so frustrated with her. For as long as I've known Mike she never stops amazing me but during this hard time I would certainly think or hope that some maturity would kick in. At the hospital she said she would call us for arrangements, nope. The funeral director called and said she did it all Mike just needed to sign one form. Okay. Then after finding out all the arrangements we decided that for our own grieving process we needed to have a life celebration at our church. We reached out and invited her. She responded back that she was too busy but oh yeah the internment would be such and such day and time. Okay. We attend her memorial service. Get to the internment and Mike isn't even acknowledged. It was as if her boyfriend was Mikey's dad. It took everything I had to be nice and quiet. After she and her friend placed Mikey in his niche and had it closed up, she asked Mike and I if we had any words or wanted to say a prayer. I left it to Mike...that is his son and deserved at least that. As soon as Mike put the period at the end of his sentence she got up and left. Mike, Shelby, Mike's dad & brother and myself at that point went to see Mikey's niche and say our good byes. A few days go bye and I've moved passed and then boom she sends Mike an message on FB with some rude comment about how she got a hug and I love you Mom the night before Mikey passed but what does Mike have. WHAT???? Seriously????
I have spent this week really working on my patience, reading my Bible and asking God to hold me, be with me, guide me. God showed me that I am to be a David, that she is my Goliath, and that God has given and will continue to give me my smooth stones. I know that I can and will over come this Goliath! It just frustrates me and breaks my heart to see my husband crushed not just once but over and over again. The loss of a child is unbearable and I totally understand the pain she is going through but so are we. I've been learning how to be transparent and compassionate and boy is this one serious test!
God I know you are with us during this time. I know that you give us what we can handle. I am so thankful for my relationship with you! I have dealt with death over and over again and I know that it is part of your purpose. Maybe all those previous losses were so I can hold Mike through Mikey's. Father it is great peace to know that Mikey is in Heaven and walking without a fear or worry. Thank you for that Father! Lord, please help me with patience and to not speak angry words. I don't like to feel this way and don't want to. I want to be the child that you have directed me to be. It has been so unbelievable to have the friends and family that you have blessed us with, to be held in their arms and to fill the love that they have radiated to us. Lord, I praise you!
April 2nd we got the call that every parent shouldn't get. Mike's oldest son, Mikey, was being rushed to the hospital. The next call I got from Mike was complete silence....Mikey had passed away. At the tender age of 16. Mikey fell a few weeks ago and as a result a blood clot formed and ended up leaving his knee, traveled to his heart and took him instantly. Mikey was truly Mike's buddy. Granted it has been 3 years since Mikey had been to our house due to a few factors. Mikey was autistic and it had become a harder and harder for him to transition between mom's house and ours. But also at the age of 13 teenagers don't want to do weekend visitation any more. As hard as it was on us we had to let Mikey do this thing.
Since Mikey's passing not only have we struggled with the passing of a child but the ex. I truly hate to have this attitude but I'm so frustrated with her. For as long as I've known Mike she never stops amazing me but during this hard time I would certainly think or hope that some maturity would kick in. At the hospital she said she would call us for arrangements, nope. The funeral director called and said she did it all Mike just needed to sign one form. Okay. Then after finding out all the arrangements we decided that for our own grieving process we needed to have a life celebration at our church. We reached out and invited her. She responded back that she was too busy but oh yeah the internment would be such and such day and time. Okay. We attend her memorial service. Get to the internment and Mike isn't even acknowledged. It was as if her boyfriend was Mikey's dad. It took everything I had to be nice and quiet. After she and her friend placed Mikey in his niche and had it closed up, she asked Mike and I if we had any words or wanted to say a prayer. I left it to Mike...that is his son and deserved at least that. As soon as Mike put the period at the end of his sentence she got up and left. Mike, Shelby, Mike's dad & brother and myself at that point went to see Mikey's niche and say our good byes. A few days go bye and I've moved passed and then boom she sends Mike an message on FB with some rude comment about how she got a hug and I love you Mom the night before Mikey passed but what does Mike have. WHAT???? Seriously????
I have spent this week really working on my patience, reading my Bible and asking God to hold me, be with me, guide me. God showed me that I am to be a David, that she is my Goliath, and that God has given and will continue to give me my smooth stones. I know that I can and will over come this Goliath! It just frustrates me and breaks my heart to see my husband crushed not just once but over and over again. The loss of a child is unbearable and I totally understand the pain she is going through but so are we. I've been learning how to be transparent and compassionate and boy is this one serious test!
God I know you are with us during this time. I know that you give us what we can handle. I am so thankful for my relationship with you! I have dealt with death over and over again and I know that it is part of your purpose. Maybe all those previous losses were so I can hold Mike through Mikey's. Father it is great peace to know that Mikey is in Heaven and walking without a fear or worry. Thank you for that Father! Lord, please help me with patience and to not speak angry words. I don't like to feel this way and don't want to. I want to be the child that you have directed me to be. It has been so unbelievable to have the friends and family that you have blessed us with, to be held in their arms and to fill the love that they have radiated to us. Lord, I praise you!
Monday, March 9, 2009
It's been a whirlwind of a week. An emotional week. Started my new job and have been lead to drop to my knees and thank God for the awesome place He has placed me. I am so thankful! The lack of stress this week has been something that I could really get used too! No escrow, no commute, no drama...hello who wouldn't like that?!
Shelby had her district dance competition. They didn't make it to state however the girls have so much to be proud of. Oh it's hard to convince teenage girls to see the positive in the midst of tears and heartache but I know deep down they know they rocked. It's the first year of the dance team, the first for the school district to make it to districts. Shelby has been asked to try out for team captain for next years team! What a great compliment! I am so proud of her. That girl can rock that dance floor :) It's so neat to watch her grow up. I am lucky to have the relationship that we have. Love that girl!!
Mike and I have grown so close this week - it's been great! I appreciate his support and warm embrace as I go where God has lead me (work wise). It's not just me - it's us. We are on this journey together.
Today is a day of rest. Monday's are my day off and today I'm going to take advantage of it! Watch the snow fall (yippee!!!!), rest, make a dessert for tonight when we have home group with the best group of friends!
Thank you Lord for all the blessings you have given me!
Shelby had her district dance competition. They didn't make it to state however the girls have so much to be proud of. Oh it's hard to convince teenage girls to see the positive in the midst of tears and heartache but I know deep down they know they rocked. It's the first year of the dance team, the first for the school district to make it to districts. Shelby has been asked to try out for team captain for next years team! What a great compliment! I am so proud of her. That girl can rock that dance floor :) It's so neat to watch her grow up. I am lucky to have the relationship that we have. Love that girl!!
Mike and I have grown so close this week - it's been great! I appreciate his support and warm embrace as I go where God has lead me (work wise). It's not just me - it's us. We are on this journey together.
Today is a day of rest. Monday's are my day off and today I'm going to take advantage of it! Watch the snow fall (yippee!!!!), rest, make a dessert for tonight when we have home group with the best group of friends!
Thank you Lord for all the blessings you have given me!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
It's been a full day
and it's not even over yet! The day started wonderful with snow on the ground and more falling. I LOVE the snow! It always makes me so warm and happy. After taking Shelby to school, which warmed my heart, 'cuz it's been awhile since I've had that opportunity I headed onto Seattle for work. As I was driving and talking on the phone (earpiece of course) I noticed my dash lights were dimming and before I knew it they were gone. Not just the lights but all the gauges too!! I pulled over onto the shoulder of the road. Luckily my conversation was with Mike. Good timing! Mike left work and came to my rescue! We were thinking it was a belt but turned out to be the battery. Do you think we had pliers that he needed....nope! Quick thinking I called my dad who happened to be in town last night on business. He carries everything and was only in Sumner (we on the side of the road were in Kent). Mike stayed with the truck waiting for my dad while I ventured onto work. LONG story short - they got it fixed! Those men in my life are so good!
So the head of the mortgage division, whom escrow falls under, is someone I think very highly of. When I gave my notice on Monday I thought I would hear from him, not that I expected him to come running over to my desk but you know what I mean, right? Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday went by and nothing. Hmmmm. Today he came up and shock my hand and said I didn't have an option to leave. I have a job description that does not include leaving. He told me how valuable I have been and have truly been a pleasure to work with. He said he knew he didn't ever have to worry about escrow because I was in the department. God and family are not things he could compete with so he wouldn't but if I ever wanted or needed to come "home" (as he put it) then to call him and I would be welcomed back. We hugged and for the first time I was brought to tears when it comes to this departure. Naturally after he walked away!!
I know that this departure is what I'm suppose to do. Are the tears due to sadness? I don't think so. I think it's because escrow is SO thankless. I am not one that needs constant praise and in escrow that is a good thing I guess because you don't get it at the drop of a hat. You learn to deal with it. When everyone else goes home, you are still there drawing docs or clearing title so things are as flawless as can be. Yet flawless doesn't seem to be a thing in the world of escrow. It's always escrows fault and it seems to be for everything. But to finally hear a thank you and it felt genuine means a lot. I have done a lot for this escrow company which I have done for others. The difference is - this one actually knows and appreciates it. What an accomplishment. I know the loan officers and processors I've worked with here appreciate my efforts but hearing it from up above warms my heart.
It's been an emotional day and yet the day isn't done. I still have a few more hours here at the office and a long commute home. Oh but tomorrow will be my last day for commuting!!! That is a blessing!
So the head of the mortgage division, whom escrow falls under, is someone I think very highly of. When I gave my notice on Monday I thought I would hear from him, not that I expected him to come running over to my desk but you know what I mean, right? Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday went by and nothing. Hmmmm. Today he came up and shock my hand and said I didn't have an option to leave. I have a job description that does not include leaving. He told me how valuable I have been and have truly been a pleasure to work with. He said he knew he didn't ever have to worry about escrow because I was in the department. God and family are not things he could compete with so he wouldn't but if I ever wanted or needed to come "home" (as he put it) then to call him and I would be welcomed back. We hugged and for the first time I was brought to tears when it comes to this departure. Naturally after he walked away!!
I know that this departure is what I'm suppose to do. Are the tears due to sadness? I don't think so. I think it's because escrow is SO thankless. I am not one that needs constant praise and in escrow that is a good thing I guess because you don't get it at the drop of a hat. You learn to deal with it. When everyone else goes home, you are still there drawing docs or clearing title so things are as flawless as can be. Yet flawless doesn't seem to be a thing in the world of escrow. It's always escrows fault and it seems to be for everything. But to finally hear a thank you and it felt genuine means a lot. I have done a lot for this escrow company which I have done for others. The difference is - this one actually knows and appreciates it. What an accomplishment. I know the loan officers and processors I've worked with here appreciate my efforts but hearing it from up above warms my heart.
It's been an emotional day and yet the day isn't done. I still have a few more hours here at the office and a long commute home. Oh but tomorrow will be my last day for commuting!!! That is a blessing!
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