I'm sitting here by myself enjoying the quiet while the sun luminates outside. But with all the quiet comes lots and lots of thoughts.

April 2nd we got the call that every parent shouldn't get. Mike's oldest son, Mikey, was being rushed to the hospital. The next call I got from Mike was complete silence....Mikey had passed away. At the tender age of 16. Mikey fell a few weeks ago and as a result a blood clot formed and ended up leaving his knee, traveled to his heart and took him instantly. Mikey was truly Mike's buddy. Granted it has been 3 years since Mikey had been to our house due to a few factors. Mikey was autistic and it had become a harder and harder for him to transition between mom's house and ours. But also at the age of 13 teenagers don't want to do weekend visitation any more. As hard as it was on us we had to let Mikey do this thing.

Since Mikey's passing not only have we struggled with the passing of a child but the ex. I truly hate to have this attitude but I'm so frustrated with her. For as long as I've known Mike she never stops amazing me but during this hard time I would certainly think or hope that some maturity would kick in. At the hospital she said she would call us for arrangements, nope. The funeral director called and said she did it all Mike just needed to sign one form. Okay. Then after finding out all the arrangements we decided that for our own grieving process we needed to have a life celebration at our church. We reached out and invited her. She responded back that she was too busy but oh yeah the internment would be such and such day and time. Okay. We attend her memorial service. Get to the internment and Mike isn't even acknowledged. It was as if her boyfriend was Mikey's dad. It took everything I had to be nice and quiet. After she and her friend placed Mikey in his niche and had it closed up, she asked Mike and I if we had any words or wanted to say a prayer. I left it to Mike...that is his son and deserved at least that. As soon as Mike put the period at the end of his sentence she got up and left. Mike, Shelby, Mike's dad & brother and myself at that point went to see Mikey's niche and say our good byes. A few days go bye and I've moved passed and then boom she sends Mike an message on FB with some rude comment about how she got a hug and I love you Mom the night before Mikey passed but what does Mike have. WHAT???? Seriously????

I have spent this week really working on my patience, reading my Bible and asking God to hold me, be with me, guide me. God showed me that I am to be a David, that she is my Goliath, and that God has given and will continue to give me my smooth stones. I know that I can and will over come this Goliath! It just frustrates me and breaks my heart to see my husband crushed not just once but over and over again. The loss of a child is unbearable and I totally understand the pain she is going through but so are we. I've been learning how to be transparent and compassionate and boy is this one serious test!

God I know you are with us during this time. I know that you give us what we can handle. I am so thankful for my relationship with you! I have dealt with death over and over again and I know that it is part of your purpose. Maybe all those previous losses were so I can hold Mike through Mikey's. Father it is great peace to know that Mikey is in Heaven and walking without a fear or worry. Thank you for that Father! Lord, please help me with patience and to not speak angry words. I don't like to feel this way and don't want to. I want to be the child that you have directed me to be. It has been so unbelievable to have the friends and family that you have blessed us with, to be held in their arms and to fill the love that they have radiated to us. Lord, I praise you!